Today’s Video Story was collected on the 50-state Story Tour. Check out the blog where you can follow us on our adventure. If you haven’t submitted a story yet to IFD, or if you want to submit another one, I’d love to read and publish it. Write one up and send it in.

I’m Shawnta Smith, I’m from Brooklyn, New York. I’m Jas Cruise, I’m from Bronx, New York. (Shawnta) So, we live together. We’ve been together for ten years. On and off living together. We are not a couple though. We were together for five years, when we first met, and then we broke up. When people ask us who we are, I say, “Jas is my best friend and then Jas says.” (Jasmine) She’s my ex-wife.” (Shawnta) Always. (Jasmine) I will never say anything else. (Shawnta) And I’ll always call her my best friend. (Jas) That’s cool. (Shawnta) laughs (Jasmine) People are like “What?! You all were together?” You know, I’m trying to be real clear. You know, “Yeah, she’s my ex-wife. That’s what she is to me.” Now friends say they really don’t understand how fabulous our relationship and our friendship is and we get to teach our friends that you can reorganize a relationship and still keep a connection, you know? (Shawnta) Which is what happens when they come to our house, cause they see that we share a room - even though we have two separate beds and they see that our bookcase is merged, and they see that we have a system and we are orderly - we share family - but were still able to have separate lovers and separate lives. It adds to the community, it adds to my family life, it adds to our friends and their family lives. (Jasmine) For years, it’s like our foundation is our home. Heterosexual families, like the typical dream, the mom the dad, two kids, and the white picket fence. That sounds all lovely but really, what people want - that happiness, that loyalty, that dedication with each another. And we got that. (Shawnta) And so with the house, we really put a lot of effort into creating a different kind of a space. And a new space. And just a space that fits us, perfectly. (Jasmine) We’re real clear how, inner circle needs to feel safe and warm. Cause outside in the world it’s so hard for both of us, for different reasons. You know, I noticed, she’s an educator, Masters and degrees upon degrees - folks are really disrespectful to her and has nothing to do with her sexuality, it has more to do with her color. But for me, people look at me and they’re just like “You’re trying to be a man.” I never said that. You know? And it’s just like, the way society wants to put these things on me that are very difficult - like I have to have my home to keep me safe and I was in foster care so I didn’t have that growing up but I made it. As soon as I was seventeen, and started making my own money, I was real clear what I wanted my home to look like. By the time - before I turned twenty I had that and I’ve been having it ever since.