How do you come out when you are a Navy officer? When you are sailing on a frigate with 250 men whose biggest insult to swing at each other is, “Yo, homo.”?
But you also think: I don’t wanna hide who I am anymore, what I am about. If we go into battle, if we’re going to die, then let’s die for the right to be who we are, who I am. How can I expect my sailors to trust their Lieutenant when I am leading an untrue life? Let’s get real and stand tall.
By the way, we are speaking 1990 in The Netherlands, when even in liberal Holland there was no one to turn to for assistance. I didn’t know anyone else in the Armed Forces who was gay. It was like gays had been purged from existence.
So I devised a plan. I started taking people aside, asking them if I could tell them a very personal secret. Then reveal the real reason why I had recently broken up with my girlfriend. This had two effects. One, they felt “special and trusted” for me confiding in them, so they kept their mouths shut. Second, after a while, everyone who I regularly worked with knew but they just didn’t realize that everyone else knew too.
This made it possible for me to turn the tables and just be me. When word got out, nobody was surprised. Sure, the mates would still shout, “Yo, homo” to each other on the quarterdeck. That is not likely to change any time soon. What did change was when they did, and I was spotted, they would come up to me and say, “Sorry, Sir, didn’t mean it that way, nothing personal.” In fact, I earned huge respect from the crew for coming out, as everyone realized that on a crew of 250, there are bound to be gays. Standing up for who I am was the best bet I ever made.
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Mike sent me a beautiful photo of the frigate he mentions in his story and wanted me to share, so here is Her Netherlands Majesty’s Ship (HNLMS) Abraham Crijnssen in all Her glory.
That was brave of you to come out and I’m glad all the responses were so great. I have a feeling that’s how most responses typically are in the military. Hopefully all of us here in the U.S. of A. will be joining y’all soon in being as accepting in the military.
Is that a rainbow flag on the side of the Abraham Crijnssen?
Good on you for being brave. Plus I bet your uniform looks great.
Thanks for this picture as part of the ships crew . This Standard Frigate of the Kortenaer class has been a successful design and the Abraham Crijnssen and Piet Hein will become the fist frigate witch will rebuild as yacht former Dutch frigate’s (Abraham Crijnssen and Piet Hein) measuring 130 metres will be rebuild/converted and stretched into a 141 metre megayacht.( swift 135 and 141) at abu Dhabi shipyard
The Swift 141 (Piet Hein ) and Swift 135 ( Abraham Crijnssen ) and 135 metres LOA, they are among the world’s longest private yachts under construction and upon launch will rank high among the world’s Top 100 Yachts. Both are based on the hulls of former Royal Dutch Navy frigates, whose design incorporating narrow beam, high propulsion power and futuristic styling by the Pierrejean Design Studio in Paris, assures they will be fast, impressive additions to the expansive gigayacht world. The first yacht to be launched will be the Swift141, set for mid-2009 delivery; the second, the Swift135, will be launched 18 months later.
Sorry sir but as a ex sailor on the Hr.MS frigattes Kortenear class The anual crew was 176 on the roll cards and max 10 more So this is max 187 so in your dreams te missing 63 members must be gay as well or where they the ones you were whispering to And then you woke up to the real world that there is no room for gay boys on a boat were the mann in a foreing port go tho the red light district to get some missing attention .