I think I’ve known I’m gay for years, but I’m still struggling to accept myself and am very much still in the closet. The more I discover myself, the more my relationship with my mum breaks down. She is homophobic, and because of this I find her difficult to be around. A couple of weeks ago she suddenly said that we needed to meet up and have a discussion about something, but wouldn’t tell me what it was. I thought she must know, and although I was very scared I thought it must be good if she wants to talk, and our strained relationship became easier over the days leading up to our meeting.
The day finally came and I was so nervous. But when the topic came up, my mum got very upset and asked me if my straight flatmate was gay. She was convinced that my friend was trying to “influence me” into a gay relationship, and she thought I was too “innocent” to understand and wanted to protect me. Fighting back tears, I pretended to laugh about it, and it took a lot of convincing to persuade her that my flatmate is straight and I was “safe.”
I feel so alone, and I’m terrified of losing the rest of my family to the prejudice and ignorance of my mum. Despite this struggle, I am lucky to have a supportive family of friends, and they are the only people that make this easier and help me work towards accepting who I am.
These kinds of situation are tricky since it feels like you’re always on a tight rope, trying to balance your family’s expectations of you and your own thoughts and feelings, I truly hope that when the time comes things will work out, and at least you’ll always have your friends there for you, so your are not alone