I attended a small Baptist church and a somewhat small high school. I have lesbian grandparents, which I believe assisted in this stigma against homosexuality in my household. I believe that my mother always resented my grandparents for being lesbians. She used to tell me how embarrassed she was of them. Therefore, the idea of coming out was not an option. And as you can imagine, the people of Cut and Shoot were not big supporters of it either. So I did what any good Baptist boy would do and went to school, met a girl, and got married.
I seriously thought that I could change myself. Eventually not being able to live with that internal struggle pressing on me day in and day out, I came out last January to my wife. We got divorced; she now says that she has forgiven me. It was strange for people to hear but I did love my wife and that was a main reason I came out to her. She deserved to not live a life or marriage that was a lie. Even worse my immediate family now considers me to be an animal because of my incapability of making a choice about my sexuality. It bothers me a little but I know one day they’ll come around. They need to remember that no matter what, I was and always will be a product of them. I realize how depressing this sounds but for anyone reading this, I have never been happier in my life than I am today. It is so incredible to not have that weight of wondering whether people are going to figure me out anymore. Also, I know what you’re feeling with disappointing people if they find out. It’s difficult but you have to get over it. The only people that I have disappointed are my immediate family members, but I still have friends, I still have my grandparents, and most of all I have the truth now living inside and outside of me. I really don’t wish my experience on anyone, but I am aware that there are many people like me out there. I wish you good luck and remember to stay strong and love yourself. This is your life, no one else’s.
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