Stolen glances, wry smiles, and eyes catching each other. Aren’t we all familiar with these.

I found myself falling for Ben, a smart, sleek and smooth-talking marketing executive working in my college. Don’t we just love men in suits.

The problem was, I never knew whether he was gay or straight. Oh you must be saying, “Honey, been there done that.” But this is a very big challenge I think most gay men identify with.

Ben had just stolen my heart. But it is so strange how we see only what we want to see. I tried everything to find out if he was gay…investigating, enticing, dropping hints and even Tarot reading. How desperate, right?

He was a tough thing, not giving out any hint at all. Eventually there was more than one person involved: my close confidante and friend who was a mutual friend between her and Ben. Finally after 4 months of speculation and heart thumps and daydreaming, he finally blurted out to her that he wants a girl. What a cliche, I thought. He gave gay vibes all the time. So I wondered what’s missing. The Tarot reading gave a mixed and confused answer.

But going back to the theory that “thought is the precursor of every creation”, I think at the back of my mind that I didn’t really want it. So here I am happy to be out of my romantic white water ride. The warm sun of the Gold Coast sunrise, the hot surfers, the balmy spring sea breeze and beautiful sunsets beyond the hilly hinterland.

Do I need anything more…?