“Two cocktails for £6” sounds like a good deal, and it is. But when you don’t have cash to burn and are already slightly tipsy, it so isn’t. The music is throbbing, you’re being pushed and shoved, you’re struggling to get the attention of any of the bar staff – the indie girl, the tattoo-laden guy, the world’s tallest woman. It’s all so confusing. You wake up the next morning wondering where the money which should be spent on rent went. And then you remember – champagne cocktails, cosmos, mojitos, pink panthers, screaming orgasms. And then, if you’re sensible, you run to the bathroom and ready yourself, head over toilet bowl.

But we’re more interested in the night before…

The club is so informal – there are bar staff, and then there are promo staff. The latter go around handing out sweets and free stuff around the club whilst you dance. They’re basically like paid clubbers, dancing with everyone else, laughing and joking, jumping up and down crazily on the dance floor. And that’s when I saw him.

Not sure what time, but I think after midnight. I was drunk but not as drunk as I should’ve been, what with twelve-or-so cocktails under my belt. He was wearing the club t-shirt, with a box of lollipops under his arm, smiling wildly, eyes shut as he danced. Heavy beat, almost techno, something I’d usually hate but watching him so happy made me not care. His hair was all spiked, kind of perfect-like, and there was the tiniest trace of sweat on his forehead. I swallowed.

“I can’t believe you get paid to do this!” I was barely audible over the music, but he turned to me, opened his eyes and smiled.

“Yeah, and it’s cash in hand. It’s wicked!” After five minutes of talking about his job, I got what I had hoped for:

“Smart, funny, cute. Let me guess – straight?” I thought I was so smooth.

“Nope, gay!” He almost giggled, I think he’d sneaked a few drinks during the night. I almost giggled too.

So when your head’s over the toilet bowl, and you looked in your wallet later that day and cry inside, you’ll know it was all worthwhile, because you met him.